i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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