I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
