I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
