Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
