A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
