No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
