I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
