You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
