Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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