i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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