i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's the barista slut.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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