ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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