dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
