did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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