i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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