Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
