Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
