If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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