making cat noises will not fix the situation.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I could fuck to npr.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
