THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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