he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
