I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
