Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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