Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
