Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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