how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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