Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
