win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
