They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have feelings that need drinking.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
