its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
