My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
