that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
