If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
