My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
