Umm I'm too high to move.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
