If i come over, it means nothing
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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