well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
