Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
