I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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