How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
