I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
