My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
