hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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