I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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