just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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