we have pet lesbian snakes
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
