hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
