My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
