if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
