Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
