he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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