I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
