I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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